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She Used to Be Mine

So I’m obsessed. With this song, the lyrics, Sara Baraeilles….. I have had it on repeat for a year. Recently a friend informed me it was written for the MUSICAL…. WAITRESS. Adapted from the movie which I recently, FINALLY, watched. It all makes sense now. What a wonderful song, good movie and like all good music, you subjectively interpret, it moves you, and means something to you and it feel like it is YOURS.

It's not simple to say

That most days I don't recognize me

That these shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave them

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true

I was never attention's sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect, but she tries

She is good, but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy, but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for

Sometimes life just slips in through a back door

And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true

And now I've got you

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two

For the girl that I knew

Who'll be reckless, just enough

Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up

When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love

And then she'll get stuck

And be scared of the life that's inside her

Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her

To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone, but used to be mine

Used to be mine

She is messy, but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she used to be mine

Songwriter: Sara Bareilles

There have been few other songs I can relate to in such a way. Depending on my mood it can bring me to tears or bring a SMILE to my face. It symbolizes me, my journey, how I feel about myself.... I guess. I got lost for a bit in the struggles of life and made my way back.

Sure – I feel like to have to work a little harder the average bird to make this life what I want it to be. To find the joy. But I do. Every day. Even on the bad ones. This is totally ok – this is my life and I would not trade a thing.

We all deserve this. It doesn’t happen magically. For me it’s about choices and embracing my magic (anxiety). Every day is filled with choices. We do our best to make the best ones for us and our loved ones. I like to think I have confidence in my choices now. Even the not so good ones from way back when I was young and naive. Maybe some are not what YOU would have done. But they are my choices. I own them. I am accountable to my journey. They are part of the ME I am today.

Does that make sense?

I hope it does. It felt timely to write about this today as I have just come out of 5 week of Summer Track out with the kiddos which was filled with tons of fun, vacations, time with family and friends..... and all while struggling to adjust to some new life changes. Now – I am in “let down” mode as the excitement is over but life is still real good. While I am adjusting to a new phase of life it’s still ALL GOOD. Because I make the choices and I embrace them.

Yes – I am hard on myself.

I used to be broken and not ask for help.

But I am reckless, just enough

I get hurt, but I toughen up

I am stronger each day

I hope this resonates with ya’ll and offers a little motivation for today and the days to come. Be the best version of yourself everyday. I m still a work in progress and that suits me just fine.

Question: (WAITRESS reference) If you were to make a pie that is symbolizes YOU what would you name it?

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