Peas and Carrots
I have promised a blog on learning how to surrender for some time now and this past weekend inspired me to finally cover the topic because I surrendered the crap out the weekend and it was fabulous.
You could say that “surrendering” and I are like peas and carrots these days. The Gump to my Jenny. We can’t get enough of each other. It’s my crack. Once you start to really put an effort into the act of surrendering, or letting go, it is addicting!
For me surrendering means a few things: letting go of certain tasks in the moment, looking at a situation you can't control and leaving it up to free will, god or whatever you believe in, and lastly doing what I call the “tag out.” This is where the Hubs come in. Sometimes when presented with a challenging situation the old me would try to mitigate or control the situation. Instead of doing it all I will often “tap out” and trust that it will be handled. There are times when my frustration or patience run thin and I realize I am not the best one to handle the situation. That HE can handle it. May not be MY way but who the hell cares. I trust that it will be handled. Period. THAT was the hardest of the three to embrace.
This past weekend we hosted some of Joe’s college friends. It was wonderful to reconnect. Joe has an amazing group of friends from college that all stay in touch and make an effort to get together every year. Always been jealous of it. Not something I took away from my college years..... that’s for sure. I walked away with no degree and debt. Yikes!
We had a blast. I love having guests and hosting. We built the house we are in with that intent…. it’s got plenty of room for overnight guests and it is great for entertaining so I am always excited at the prospect of guests!! Old Jennie used to plan every detail of the visit. Now let me be clear… to be a good host you must plan and prep for certain things. I pride myself on being a good host. BUT – I used to kill myself getting ready. Now I do what is reasonable and surrender to the rest. With that comes FREEDOM to really enjoy the visit and spend quality time with your guests. Yes - that means I get to enjoy it as well. Who knew?
That is what I did. I let everything go and lived in the moment. I did not think about work or how many loads of laundry were stacking up. I said to hell with all of it and it was GLORIOUS!! I woke up Monday morning feeling re-re energized (and in need of some detox) with a teeny bit of let down as its back to reality. To me the let down is a positive sign..... it means I really enjoyed every moment, so much so I did not want it to end.
Needless to say I was able to recognize how I truly surrendered and put the focus on the people and enjoying MY time. This has been in practice for a while but I feel I mastered it this past weekend. Therefore, I am giving myself a pat on the back today.
Anxiety sucks and I have been climbing this mountain for a few years but I love when I have moments like this..... I take the “I think I Can’s” and make them “I can do it’s” and damn....
I did it.
The only downside (which is a more than comfortable trade off) is I let it all go so much that I woke up early Sunday AM in a panic thinking about all the things I did not do, and have to do this week, and started to work the to do list over and over in my head. Kind of made me laugh like GAD was saying… “Yeah, I’ll show you!!” Fortunately I have tools in my tool kit now to work through it. The dots are connected! So bring it GAD.