Yep, I am officially here, like most of you I assume. I am mentally exhausted with all of it. I wake up everyday and do my best to stay positive and I put my mask on like a good solider and for the most part, I'm good. It's been a year of many changes from what was once normal, and we have made the adjustments necessary.
The mask wearing... doesn't bother me. I understand that whether you believe it is effective or not effective it's the right thing to do. My point is not to share my opinion on mask effectiveness. I'll leave that to the experts or the social media trolls that think they are experts. I digress.... If wearing a mask is my biggest problem then I am doing just fine. Perspective. And the fact that we have less "things" to do and it's sometime not worth the hassle to do certain things because of the challenges..... I'm cool.
I am inherently a home body. I enjoy time at home. I like being with my family. I have found new hobbies and projects at home I would not have dreamed of. I spend more quality time with my family than ever. My children have learned the new meaning of bored and how to "find something to do" that does not involve a screen. They have learned to do school at home and online. My dogs have learned that my family never leaves and it's like they think they hot the jackpot.
My goal everyday is to wake up and try NOT to complain. To have perspective and look outside of my small world. I see how much suffering there is out there and it makes my stomach hurt. I am blessed and beyond grateful that all we have had to endure is some inconveniences. I try and help support friends, family, neighbors that are struggling, having a BAD day, or need someone to listen. We donate to the food pantry, we our donate clothes and goods. We donate to charities. We are doing all the things so we can feel less guilty that we are ok. That's the reality of it. We try and do out part.
All that said, I am human and sometimes I feel the weight of it all. My challenges are not the same as others but it does not mean they are not valid. I wake up some days dog tired and take a deep breath and sigh..... it's groundhogs day, AGAIN. I have learned monotony is my enemy. I have to find some small way to make each day a little different. A walk with my neighbor, running errands with my kids, getting up earlier and actually showering and dressing, work from the kitchen table instead of my desk. For reals, any little adjustment helps me. I am lucky enough to be able to eat out and meet a friend every so often. I NEED social interaction.
My kids have loads of neighborhood friends and they get outside a lot. They get plenty of socialization. I am incredibly grateful for that. Our version of school is different than I think any of us ever could have imagined. "Blended" school sucks. It just sucks. NO sugar coating here. The endless list of responsibility now on them and us is overwhelming some days.
Is all your work done? Did you check your missing? Did you check your grades online? Let's review before you submit. Did you read that email from your teacher? How did you get a 30 on an open book test? How do you NOT know what you learned? Is that Roblox or Google Classroom? Why can't I find the link to that ZOOM? What do you mean you didn't see that assignment? How many pictures do you have to take an upload? Why won't that form let me enter on it? It's 9am - how are done with school already?
(Ok - I am done....phew, that felt good. LOL)
Wait? What? I am sorry - did we assume these CHILDREN had the ability to do ALL THIS without an insane amount guidance and down right NAGGING? I have good kids that were straight A students. Now the focus is on completing the work that was assigned and doing their "best" as they teach themselves with self paced videos. They are rocking B's and sometimes C's. That is good enough for me right now. We pick our battles. I work in the learning and development space I know what type of learning or combination of learning is effective. This is not it. I also know our school has done an excellent job of managing this. Most of the teachers are doing their best as well. It is not easy. There was not a manual for how to do this. We just all do our best.
I want my kids back in school. I want all kids back in school that can be. I think we are on the verge of mental health crisis. I know personally my anxiety has been difficult to manage this past year. I LIVE for therapy. But I have watched my shy and sometimes anxious son develop full blown anxiety and we are working on how to best address it. This all from what is relatively happy and stable family. To imagine the magnitude of this is hard to even comprehend.
This is the stuff that wears me down the most. The weight of it all. My point today. Work hard everyday to find the positive but also don't beat yourself up for feeling down and just gosh darn sick of it all. Complain a bit, vent, make a change, cry, have an extra glass of wine, meditate, do puzzles.... DO whatever it takes to come out the other side. As a MOM I have an obligation to do this for myself and to model it for my kiddos. I have to try to find the things we do right and make a point to celebrate them. So, it's no wonder we can be a little "fatigued" from time to time.
Anyone relate? ( I say very sarcastically.) Thanks for listening ya'll.